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wondering how others feel right now..
think the anxiety and the uncertainty is there in everyone.
gosh! but i just feel that i am having so so so much more than others!
hmmx. i am on tenterhooks since the day i know the day for results release.
seriously, i wonder if others feel the same as me.
initially was like guessing when is the day to release results..
how i wished it is earlier... but now. how i hoped it will come later.
just later... but not now. even one week later?
but... everything is happening on tomorrow.
everything just happen in a blink of the eye
this shows how indecisive i am. and i admit, i am always indecisive.
true. always indecisive
but how can this ever be true.. hmmx. i am shell shocked when i went to the moe website to see for my eyes! the press release mention that results will be release on friday!
lol!! suddenly.. i wish i can stop the time so as to for friday not to reach so soon!
haix! that was just a wish anyway.. people who had the same wish didnt get their wish fulfilled too! hmmx. being optimistic.
hope for the best now..
i got a very serious problem in me..
when i decide to get myself out of the worry.. confirm!
confirm got people wil remind me of it de.
i already tried to believe in myself.. to put my confidence in place...
but things start to happen and waver my confidence. make me start to ponder all about it.
am i doing the right thing?! i dont want to have anything to doubt the confidence in me.
i do not want anything that makes me question myself whether i did the right thing or not..
the more i tried to convince myself.. the more my confidence starts to waver.
the more i question myself... then i start to feel that it isnt really similar to the case i thought about. even before i accede the feeling, all the confidence within me start to vanish.. instantly.
every bit of my confidence just start to drip out of me.. bit by bit.
my confidence bleed dry.
do you know how hard it is for me to realise the intangible and the minute confidence that i grasped just evaporate suddenly.
suddenly everything that hold me together is gone.
i am left like that, destructed
fatalistic people will not really be affected by this bahx?
but how can one easily succumb to fate? is this the very attitude we should have?
i am hollow within me, dried of my confidence, not sure how am i going to move the next step.
will going back to my delusions be better?
the place where i tried to bury myself in.
the place where i tried to avoid everything but to no avail.
that kind of empty just engulfed me.
simple answers. simple answers to simple desires.
i just cant get those answers into me again. there arent even simple answers to my simple desires. the silence and empty inside is so damn loud.
i am left alone inside. cant even reach somewhere near me.
drowning? surviving?
they are both seconds apart. but they meant totally different thing.
only a decision that you make, separates one from another.
but whenever i tried to make one decision, my confidence wavers.
having decisions somewhere here or there is better than having one neither here nor there..

`decided not to let anything waver the confidence in me, hard though___