21`o3`2oo9

it has been so long since i last blogged.
10 days. woa. not very long but feels like it has been very long.
10 days can be considered quite long for many things to happened.
in fact.. things happen. yup.
but now. i dont even know how to put it.
things changed. and is actually different from what i perceived it to be.
learning to adapt to those changes is actually another way to survive it.
but not all changes are adaptable.. furthermore. i need time to adapt it.
not as and when i want.
time is a thing that heal all wounds.
this is fake! time is a factor that makes you forget everything...
eventually when you forget, you forgive...
but this is wrong!!! the sequence is just not right!!!
you should forgive then you forget!
see the difference? haix. it is just like that..
this is life.
life always give you different choices and ask you to choose the best out of it...
i dont like to face so many choices...
i dunno how to make the choices, every decision you make incur an opportunity cost..
the cost of next best alternative forgone..
i used to care too much about things i am losing rather than benefits i will be getting when making a choice.
i just cant make up my mind. i feel that every alternative forgone is a waste!
the things that i will be giving up just bother me so much...
i am going to die from everything i am bottling up now.
where can i find one to share all my troubles with..
somehow feel that not all friends are reliable.
as in i am not saying that i dont have reliable friends.. but!
haix. i dunno. cant find the best way to express myself recently.
everything that i tried to explained just get chocked up in my throat and people dont know what i am talking about. i start to yu wu lun ci.
after years of education, i still cant express myself. failure!
then there are things that i found it hard to express.
like gratitude! a simple thank you does not reach that far.
you cant even sense the sincerity. haix. am i picking too much on details?!
but certainly it is nice to know how much people care for you.
just a simple call makes a difference from one who doesnt care a hoot about you.
my buddy de mama called me to ask about my current situation.
it was really nice of her to call only yesterday since she felt the need for me to calm down.
it is so heart warming to know that someone is actually concered about your being.
i doubt there will be others to have a wonderful buddy mama like me.
it is really so fortunate of me.
though my thank you doesnt travel far, as long as the moment is true, i believe that she will sense it.
then. i just feel that things keep getting into my way.
a phone whereby you cant message properly, cant call.
what the hell is it??! haix. i feel like i am carrying a pager instead.
shit phone. have been niam`ing my phone for so damn long but it still haven recover!
then. i heard something that makes me felt sad.
i dont really know why i felt that way..
but that feeling just came gushing into my heart and lingering still in my mind.
how i wished things will be different.

`how i wished___