23`o3`2oo9

so many days le. i still cant make up my mind.
kinda disappointed in myself.
why am i becoming like that?! i am always indecisive. even in crucial times.
i just cant stand myself being like that.
how come like that. going mad soon.
now i realised that my mood will be extremely lousy whenever i blog.
pathetic. but blogging is like a time for me to reflect myself.
then the more i reflect, the more lousy i felt.
i decided. to reflect and to ask myself these questions then everything will end here.
shall not let this bother my mind too much.
if not it will burst.
haix. i am now in the middle of nowhere. life is not like the past anymore.
things are getting complicated.
you get to experience different things when you grow, you interact with the surroundings and learn things bits by bits or part by part.
you start to see things from a different angle, you start to have your own perspective
then you start to question.
things are no longer the same. i remember when i was young. how i wished i can be a teacher, a police, a lawyer, a doctor. but those were just simple thinking.
the more you know, the more you realised how unrealistic those thoughts were.
but i believed everyone grew up with the same ambitions.
but now, things were different. not as simple as i thought it is..
i am stuck here. not moving anywhere. not retracting but not even moving in front.
stuck!!!
simply stuck!
can someone just pull me out of here?
i dont want to be such a situation any longer, but i just cant find my way out.
i see the path in front. everything unclear. everything blurr!
i do not want to be trapped in this alone. i will die here!
haix. how can i find a easy way out?! i am not capable of bottling all these things up...
and.. that time.. when i thought things were improving. not really improving but at least glad that there is such a thing happening. but after that. gosh!
is like the moment you wake up from a very beautiful dream!
everything came crushing and trampling down on me. the impact is so large, i just cant take it.
but i had to pretend that nothing really happened. everything was part and parcel of life.
just like how a big bomb destroyed a once vibrant city.
i am left with the debris.. fragments of me left there. fragments.

`am i lost when i know that i was in the midst of somewhere___