o1`o4`2oo9

yo! it's april fools' day!
oh my god!! today is the most pathetic day i had..
waking up i saw messages from zoey and moo...
then all thanks to zoey, i realised that today is april fools' day.
decided not to get tricked for today...
then my student messaged me saying that she dunno if she can make it for tuition today..
i start to wonder if it is a joke. haix.
then i on my com and went online...
saw people de facebook personal messages saying that they got a place in uni le.
so fast.. the moment whereby i woke up instantly ehx.
i thought it will be around end of may though.
so scary.. the moment of realising is always scary!!
far from what i have expected..
is like everyone is getting a candy on the children day and i am not getting mine!
then bloodily i am still going around asking if they get their candy.
i am left behind lehx! LEFT BEHIND!!
oh my god.. this feeling is totally lousy..
hate it! hate it so much. got no mood now..
shit!!!
the sun shinning outside is like super proud then laughing at me like that.
even with such a warm weather, the fan refused to face me in a proper direction makes me think that even the fan belittle me!
arghh!
pathetic! feel like shouting out loud!
i then realised that when something gets into your way, you dont get what you wanted, you dont get what you desired.. everything just dont go nicely into your eyes..
even the slightest thing like a typo that keep happening just makes you think that what a lousy finger i had... or the stupid keyboard is at fault...
arghh!! what the hell has become of me?!
got super sensitive, super irritated and easily pissed off!
am i really as pathetic and as lousy as i think? my mind just cant function properly now! there maybe a short circuit somewhere yet i didnt realised it. didnt care about it. simply cant get bothered about it.
but now.. this short circuit that i have is bothering too much..
i cant afford to have all the irritating feelings and lousy feelings in me all day long.
it feels kinda shit! kinda lousy.. it is like you having a reminder programmed in you which is to remind you how lousy you are everyday...
i wont be able to run from this until someone pull me out..
i wont be able to be free until someone drag me out.
only the one who bloodily scold me and wake me up will rescue me from this..
but all this feeling came from somewhere, a place called the heart whereby it controls your feelings. all this happen because of fear! because i am afraid!! because i have got no faith in myself!!!

`because my loss in confidence bleed me dry___