`dazzled by the perfection____

`addicted___因为我爱上你了 11:05 AM

19`o5`2oo9

hmmx. somehow true.
i have been forgetting myself..
but in the first place, do i forget myself first or do i get the feeling of being forgotten first.
the latter one seems true as i often got neglected.
for who i am. i will need to find something that makes me feel me.
guess they are different things anyway.
haix. i have been rotting.
super irritating feeling that i had always have.
cant bring it off.
so sianx ahhx!
ever wonder why is life always like that?
will get sicked of it somehow and aometimes..
haix.. i still so so worried lo...
haix. dying soon. why will life become a complete what the hell for me?
haix. the feeling of damn shit never got stuck in me so discernible before.
haix. why is it always like that..
somehow i feel that i cant keep lamenting on what i dont like..
instead, i should do something to acheive something i desired..
talking is always simpler than acting.
everytime when i set my foot into something, i dont know why,
but will withdraw it sooner or later.
this is me. haix. cant ctand me for this part.
hmmx. i always wanted to live a life of my own.
my desired life! even wonders can be true here.
but first of all, i will need a little magic here and there to brighten up my dull life.
hope it works this way.
and there is a quote whereby i found it true..
Another ending. No matter how perfect the day is, it always has to end.
but at least it ended in a way i wanted it to.
and then. i will be looking forward to the next day.
and do my very best to let it has another perfect ending like the day before.
the ending will be perfect as long as the mood is perfect itself.
i wondered when was the last time i said it. but not now anymore...
you made my day.

`perfect day awaits_____

`entry 50 pissed

`addicted___因为我爱上你了 8:05 PM

11`o5`2oo9

haix. rotten feeling in me again.
feel kinda pissed off for whatever reasons.
i just feel that i am not getting what i wanted.
i am being blocked, obstructed. just cant get to the other side of the world i wanted..
so sicked of this feeling. things just dont get right!
then! haix. so dislike this kind of feeling...
do you ever get the feeling of getting the lousy feeling stuck in you for so damn long?
worried worried and worried!
when can i ever get all these out of my head.
it just dont feel great or even nice to have so many what the hell things stuck in me..
does the earth just rotates without me? does it just forsake me and leave me aside to fend for myself? i will die like that!
i cant fend for myself, i cant survive on my own.
this is how lousy i am, and i am really admitting it this time.
not deluding myself, not avoiding the facts.
i am facing it now. straight into my face. i know that i sucks.
i know how badly i stand. but does the world just really forget about my presence?
or does it simply dont care?
dont care if i am getting what i wanted.
dont care if i am blocking the way of anyone.
heck care if there is anyone mistreating me.
these are all craps! i cant stand it... somehow i feeling like shouting out to everyone out there.
to let them notice my presence! not to seek attention but just to let them know that i am here!
can someone just make sure that you know about my presence?
it's not a great feeling when you are neglected.
it just sucks to the core! i feel sad and miserable. dont like this kind of feeling.
haix. i dunno lahx! I DUNNO!!!
dont feel good.
can someone just lend me his/her listening ear!
i want to complain about all the shit i felt in me!
hope at least someone will be able to listen to my crap!
though it might be crap.

`just need someone to know that i am here_____

`entry 49 nothing

`addicted___因为我爱上你了 2:20 PM

o4`o5`2oo9

haiz. have been rotting days after days...
then... i still haven receive any notice yet.
worrying.. getting more and more worried after days and days..
like what yi shan said.. when i got nothing to do then i will start to worry about all these things..
gosh! what will come will come.
thinking in a positive way to lighten my worry burden..
haix. i went movie`ing..
think it's great to go into the cinema..
very relaxing. you pay for your tickets and perhaps your popcorns..
then you sit back and relax!
for the 100 plus minutes.. you are into another world.
you put yourself into the story..
it is really an amazing feeling whereby you think of nothing but focus on that movie.
it was cool.. however,
a movie is still a movie. the best part of it stays in the movie.
no matter how wonderful it is, how amazing the plotting was,
everything stays in the movie. that's why it is called a movie.
a movie can have a good plot, attractive leads and is actually not realistic.
maybe it is the reality that i hate in the real world today that i enjoyed myself so much in the movie.
qu zhong ren san.
people start leaving once they flash the credits.. the feeling of emptiness is so tangible.
i hate to get that kind of feelings.
so.. what was the best always stays in the movie.
life is not like a movie..
life is unfair and cant be controlled.

`looking forward to the next movie_____