26`o9`2oo9
just realised that i had spent another day just like that.
without doing anything productive.
hahas! i am always like that. i think
and~ i really really start to dread school.
not feeling the urge to do homework anymore.
sometimes it's like i cant catch up, and feel like hecking everything.
i know that i should not be having this kind of feelings.
but i just cant helped it.
believed that i am just used to this kind of attitude since sec 2.
that kind of rotten attitude, kind of simply cant be bothered.
when i dont understand the topic, i just let it be.
i thought that, as times goes by, i will understand,,,
LOL! this cant be true. then the homework!
seems to pile up! and i simply copy my work from others to get it over and done with.
copied from so many ppl! if i never remember wrongly...
hmmx. got sin theng, yan hong, meiqi, eleen, wei chiang...
hahas. so memorable then..
but now i realised that this wont bring me anywhere..
i have to change! and must change!
hahas. but hard to change...
so tired! feel like having a break..
a break from everything!
not going to school. and just relax!
dont think will happen at all.
haix. so tired! so sianx. no motivation anymore..
i just need to find my motivation and carry on with my work.
and! [random] i think. friends are meant to de drifted apart when they dont talk to each other that much.
dont really like that kind of feeling.
but what can i do?!
i cant be possibly talking to my friends every now and then..
i must be mad! to even thought of doing something like that.
but. friends come and go.. only true friends last forever..
cant do anything and dont wish to be doing anything.
sicked and tired!
`i need my motivation_____
`addicted___因为我爱上你了 10:58 PM
17`o9`2oo9
why must one be a hypocrite?
why must the words i heard different from what you say?
why must it be that i heard it from another person?
it's totally different from what you told me?!
i was like WHAT THE HELL! how come become like that?
you totally spoilt the original impression you held in my mind.
i really seen through you! is this the time whereby you really remove your mask and stop playing the role you wanted to? the role of an pure and innocent people?
i am so stunned! if this is the case, then forget it!
i dont want people to remove their masks anymore! i dont want to face the truth!
i dont want to see any more ugly sides of people!
now i totally understand that one cant judge the book by it's cover.
this is really so true!
i totally learnt it by heart now.
everything we see is just what they wanted us to see. it's not the true self they are.
i am so irritated about this fact! why must it be like that.
the trust and the bond that we had is no longer there.
everything is so weird! it looks like a totally different thing to me now.
maybe the world has come to a part whereby people had to pretend in other to be well liked.
but if the well liked you isnt who you really are, then arent you tired??
arent you tired of your acting and pretending?
i am really tired of it. i need a break out of it.
well, i will pretend that it is okay since you wont know what happened.
reflecting. thinking if i am also like that...
`i'm starting with the man in the mirror_____
`entry 66 speechless
`addicted___因为我爱上你了 11:22 PM
13`o9`2oo9
haix, i wonder what has really become of me!!
it's like i am feeling so pissed off! so!!
initially i was okay with it!
really okay! then i start to think of what i can do to make things better.
but in the end. this was the kind of attitude i get.
things dont pay back in a way i contributed!
this is unfair! then in a way~
i sort of have a thinking! i understood something.
since this is the way how things work out,
since the way of things working out follows a steady random pattern of reoccurence,
then i should not contribute so much.
i should not get myself involved so much.
i should just shut up and heck everything.
just simply heck everything that does not concern me.
is this considered selfish and bad?
but when things really appear in this way, what else can i do??!
i am always the one being at disadvantage...
it is always like that. i am so sicked of it,
but i said nothing! nothing i can say too.
everything seems to revolve around you.
can i have my own circle of revolution too?
`trying not to be the one to be revolving, tired of it_____
`entry 65 shout!
`addicted___因为我爱上你了 9:38 AM
o4`o9`2oo9
enegry can you come back to me??!
i really need my motivation and everything that i lack of from you!
OH MY GOD!
PLEASE COME BACK TO ME!
`entry 64 terror
`addicted___因为我爱上你了 9:26 AM
o4`o9`2oo9
just realised that i had not done any significant things in my life yet!
rotting and rotting. haix.
and i am always trying to trim myself for the sake of others..
like not to offend them and make them angry.
but what i am really doing is actually losing my own character!
not having a specific character is also a character bahx. hopefully it is?
and. the moment of waking up is always terror! always.
no matter how beautiful the dream is, there bound to be a moment of waking up.
and the best part of it still remain in the dream!
so no matter how wonderful the dream is, it is still a dream.
it wont get fulfilled anyway, will it?
it it does, then why is it that i dont get mine fulfilled?
i am so so so tired. tired of all these things..
i felt as if i am working for nothing...
cox, in the end of the day.. people iften got back a perfect square.
things are just repeating themselves in a pattern that we failed to notice.
no energy, no drive, no motivation!
`He who trims himself to suit everyone will soon whittle himself away.
Raymond Hull, a Canadian playwright and television screenwriter.
